This weekend of HP#7 opening took me back to '07 when the book was first released. That year still haunts me to this day as I realized with tears in my eyes listening to Dobby's final words. That part of the movie stimulated those helpless miserable feelings but this time I didn't lose myself in the emotional turmoil. I pulled myself back up this time and didn't dwell on the past for long.
That was a rough time and the worst year of my life thus far. I learned how much I could handle and not lose my life...I lost myself for quite some time. I lost friends. I lost family. And many opportunities were snuffed out. I had no control over what happened. I just had to ride out the painful rollercoaster. I'd like to say I learned a lot about myself surviving all of the bad news and horrific events...but really I'm still trying and still coping. In fact, I've reread HP#7 each year in honor of M. and his suffering. As long as I don't let myself get too run down with lack of sleep or illness I can avoid hitting that rocky floor. At least I bounce back up to my bubbly surface a hella lot faster than I did back then!
I find it amazing how different 'anchors' (as Jane Savoie explained this weekend) can instantly trigger us to a past emotion or event. I'm going to take her advice and develop an 'anchor' with positive association to snap me out of the funk that certain, but random, actions evoke. A fun psych experiment on myself if you will. lol Jane isn't a genius; she just happens to coach the USA Equestrian Team in the past 3 Olympics. She just happens to have learned all the info that I had as an undergrad and grad student in psych and uses this as her platform for teaching. (as all instructors should!) I manipulate myself already with cues. I do this with music. Music is my "anchor" and it helps me change my emotional state. I don't use music to eliminate my mood or feelings. I use certain tunes to work through the issues and then change to something more positive when I've gotten under control again.
I have tracks for sadness...
So please take me far away
Before I melt into the ground
And all my words get used against me
You sad and lonely girl
or...
I think I got a lot of friends but I don't hear from them
What's another night all alone?
When your spending everyday on your own
And here it goes
tracks for madness...
sometimes you just don't wanna wake up
everything is fucked, everybody sucks
or...
I hope you like your Two Seater, no radio,
keymarks parallel to the pinstripes,
windows broken, and your t-tops stolen,
Now its one of a kind,
Thanks for the Ride
...No matter what tracks I choose I can change my emotions and behavior. I may not have faith in people but I have faith in music. And the best part is I have an endless soundtrack for my life.
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